Christmas

So... This xmas I got an Ipod!!!!

Am so excited!!!
It's a nano video thing, and amongst other things, I discovered that my Nike's are ready to receive something that works with the ipod and that will make me want to exercise... Not that I'm going to buy it, but it's good to know that people think that I might buy some snickers and a music player.. and that they should work together!!!

But without the sarcasm... it's really cool... Now I can watch series and movies on the underground!!!

THANKS SIS!!!!

Merry Christmas

Dispensable

The other day I was reading a interview with a famous TV anchor, Mário Crespo, and he said that another TV anchor, when the TV station where he worked on cancelled his news show, opened the last program with a sentence like this:
The board of directors of RTP has decided for our “dispensability”...

I have to say, I felt the same way when today my company called me and said: We haven’t got enough money to renew your contract...I wished that they, at least, would give me a reason... but no. It just looks that I’m dispensable...

Escape land (Terra de Fuga)

So, yesterday I went to the theatre. It was a play in a very well localized theatre in Lisbon (Teatro da Trindade in Bairro Alto). It was called “Escape Land” and it was a dialogue between two terrorists and a Jewish girl that dated one of the terrorists all of them in a resort near the Dead Sea.
The dialogue is a philosophical desertion about the human condition, a big metaphor for all our lives. Two terrorists are waiting a phone call from a godfather, so they can find their mission, their target, but who is the godfather, what are they to do, is there a godfather, who is giving them orders, why are they following them?
The play was good, almost great, and if we take in account that it was extremely cheap to go, there is absolutely no reason for the room to have FOUR people. I was to write a big text complaining about the lack of interest of the Portuguese people for theatre. But as I was writing this text I realised... The company that produced and executed the play was too good for this text to focus mainly on the lack of audience, so congratulation to:
Alexandra Sargento, Fernando Rebelo and Karas who were the three actors in the play;
And to Eduardo Condorcet who directed the play.

Mister Pip - Lloyd Jones

A young girl in a forgotten island where war has installed itself.

This is the starting point for a brilliant story written by Lloyd Jones.

Matilda’s the young girl that narrates the whole story, with the help of her unexpected teacher she strolls through the XIX century England, using as a guide the novel of Charles Dickens, “Great Expectations”.

This book tells us about courage, friendship and loyalty, it also points out the enormous atrocities that the human being is able to do, and it reminds us all that even though you can’t live through books, you can always find shelter in them, a place to hide when reality is so awful that either you escape it, or you lose yourself.

But the true aspect of the book, the one in which Matilda will find herself thinking constantly is the ability of a person to be himself, not the one that everybody pressures us to be, but to be true to our feelings and opinions and to stand by them, even if it means that by doing that we will be against everybody else.

I called myself Pip, and came to be called Pip.

A recommended reading for all of those that, like me, think a book is more than just a story, a book can be a friend. And I bet that in the end you’ll be friends of Matilda… and of that mysterious character called Mr. Pip.

Scope

So... the scope hasn't changed. But it has grown.
I'm a little reluctant to start the posts about other things.
I've written a lot of texts, about books, films, theatre but until this point they all lack the quality I want in them.
Because they're not about me, they are about expressing my point of view about someone else's work...

I guess this weekend I'll post something.

Change

The scope of this blog has changed. I'll not publish any more texts about what I feel, and my thoughts about those feelings.

This happens because I don't want to think more about it. I'm trying to be happy by ignoring my feelings, because they are often impossible to turn into reality.

I'll be writing in the future about books, music, films, and trips... hope the readers of this blog will continue to follow it.

Alone

From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I loved, I loved alone.
Then- in my childhood, in the dawn
Of a most stormy life- was drawn
From every depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still:
From the torrent, or the fountain,
From the red cliff of the mountain,
From the sun that round me rolled
In its autumn tint of gold,
From the lightning in the sky
As it passed me flying by,
From the thunder and the storm,
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view.

Edgar Allan Poe

Clear Sky

It's incredible how something so complicated, as what I was felling and thinking during the last two weeks, transforms itself into something so simple.

It's kind of crazy to go against what you feel, but it's even more crazy to go against what someone else feels... better... not even more, it's impossible to go against the feelings of another person!

So I just have to adopt the same approach I've been using for, well... for since I can remember... I'll just let it be!!!


PS : It's still to me a mystery why I get so relieved when I decided to do nothing about something...

The same old topic

I just keep asking myself. How could I have let this happen?

I don’t get it. We are the most advanced form of life on this planet, and still... we’re unable to control what we feel. What do I have to do so I’m able to decide what I feel?? Come on... it’s just a bunch of biochemical reactions...

Alexandra Soumm

So I've got so much in my mind that I just want to write a millions words. Doing that would probably left a few people angry and a lot of people sad.

So I've been escaping in the last week or so to music, and during the weekend I found this:

Feelings

Talking about my feelings with somebody is something I don’t usually do (although lots of people think I do, because I normally express my opinion about things that happen very close to me). I’m not a very “sharing” person either, you could even say I’m shy (probably again, lots of people laughing).

But eventually one has to confide to someone their feelings in search of a little comprehension and also some advice.

That’s what I’ve done. I’ve confide to a very good friend of mine, that knows me for a long, long time. I said what I felt about a particular aspect of my life and then said what I intended to do about it (which is nothing... I’ll just stay low and wait... I think eventually what I feel will change).

I admit I was hoping for a reassuring attitude from that friend... hoping that my line of thought would be understood and supported...

Well! It wasn’t, my friend thinks that doing nothing about any felling anyone has is preposterous. That taking risks is what life is all about, that you have to fight for what you want or you risk ending up never having what you want.

So I’m in a dilemma. On one hand, I can do what I think is right (which is nothing), on the other I can take the advice I’ve received.

In reality I know I won’t take the advice, I don’t like to take risks, even if they give me the chance of achieving what I want... I probably won’t do it because I do not have enough courage... but I really wanted my friend to share and support my decision!

Ps: My autobiography of Nelson Mandela has arrived!!!! I can’t wait to read it!!!

Schrödinger's cat

So I’m back to the same subject. Those things I have to do and don’t want to.
I’ve divided them into three sub-sets (being the main set, the group of things to do) [Talk about total geekness!!!]:

• The ones I really have to do;

• The ones I’m just ignoring for the time being;

• The ones I’m not going to do;

Populating the sets is fairly easy (explaining how I’ve done it... not so much):

• In the first one I’ve placed all the things I need to do that don’t mess my subconscious, e.g., ending the driving lessons, so I can have my driving licence.

• In the second I’ve placed all the things that would mess up my subconscious if I did something about them, i.e., using the allegory of the cave: I’m freed from the chains... but I’ve decided not to look up... I have an idea of what I might learn by looking... but I don’t know what I would do if I did get tricked into thinking the voices wore coming from shades, instead of thinking that the voices came from the same source of the shades, so I prefer not to look.

  I think I’m better off not knowing if the cat is dead or alive... for me, he is still both death and alive... and I’m starting to hope he stays that way... I know that this is very limited, because he could be alive... and I’m missing all the stuff I could do with a live cat (I have no idea what I could do with a cat)... but if the cat is alive and death at the same time... He’s not all death... and a half living cat beats the hell of a death one!

• And, logically, in the third set there isn’t anything.

So while writing this completely abstract text I’ve been possessed with two questions:

1. If I decide, for all the tasks in the second set, not to see if the cat is alive, isn’t the second set just the third set, with sugar icing on top of it?

2. Is there any real chance that all the cats are dead, i.e., if I chose to place all the things of the second set in the first one, would I have at least one living cat?

Grrrrrr...
I’m just probably to sleepy to make sense!

A music that's stuck inside my head... and just won't get out!

I've been awake for a while now
You've got me feelin' like a child now
'Cause every time I see your bubbly face
I get the tinglees in a silly place

It starts in my toes
And I crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Wherever you go

The rain is fallin' on my window pane
But we are hidin' in a safer place
Under the covers stayin' safe and warm
You give me feelings that I adore

They start in my toes
Make me crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Wherever you go

What am I gonna say
When you make me feel this way?
I just, mmm

It starts in my toes
Makes me crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Wherever you go

I've been asleep for a while now
You tucked me in just like a child now
'Cause every time you hold me in your arms
I'm comfortable enough to feel your warmth

It starts in my soul
And I lose all control
When you kiss my nose
The feelin' shows
'Cause you make me smile
Baby just take your time now
Holdin' me tight

Wherever, wherever, where ever you go
Wherever, wherever, where ever you go

Bubbly
Colbie Caillat

Certainties

I’m sure about so many things in my life at this moment, that I’m scared to think about them.

I know it sounds preposterous, but it’s true. I’m get scared even of thinking about what I have to do... because now I know what I have to do... in so many aspects of my life and I have to do it all at the same time. I also know I can’t keep delaying them (I normally just delay whatever I need to do until I just don’t need to do it because so many time has passed). This time, I need to act, to change something’s to which I’m used and simply can’t be anymore.

So I guess what I’m saying is that I’ll have to face change, even though I’m completely scared of change. I don’t like it. I truly dislike change, although I know it can change my life from a positive perspective.

Random though

So, as you can see in the sidebar (and despite some advices against!) I’m reading a book of Laura Esquivel. I don’t want to talk about the book, as I didn’t end it yet, but I want to share some ideas that came to me while reading it.

She addresses the subject of soul mates. But I wonder; do we really want to believe that soul mates exist?

Come on!!

I do believe in true love and all that stuff, I don’t believe that, as my psychology teacher once told me, you’ll eventually settle for something that’s not really love, just because you’ll get more grownup (it kind of makes me remember the book of Antoine de Saint Exupéry). So ok, it’s true I’m a romantic and I can’t get enough of stressing out that I believe in true love... but sole mates? Come on! It’s such a stretch. Believing that somewhere out there, there’s someone that’s 100% perfect for me (or you), and because of that stupid thought we end up snubbing people that are right there by our sides, supporting us, helping us and even loving us... but as they aren’t the perfect person that we are sure that exist's, because of that we’ll end up someday snubbing true love... just because it didn’t came from the (expected) soul mate!

Citation

Give us, for example, more independence, untie our hands to all of us, broaden the field of our activities, soften the surveillance and we... I assure you: the first thing we would do, would be to ask to be watched again.

Fiódor Dostoiévski , "Notes from the underground", 1864