Today I bought my first grammar since the age of eleven… it isn't a Portuguese grammar, nor an English grammar, but an Italian grammar. I've been learning Italian in the last few months and it has been great. It's completely different of French that I tried (again) to learn in the last year, but I probably lack the capacity to learn French and so I didn't learn almost anything.

But Italian has another spirit, has another personality. Every time you say a word, every time you hear a word, you instantly get transported to that Italian environment that you can see in those Italian old films.

It's a language full of history, let's face it, Italy has had one of the most preponderant roles in the history of Europe .

Ok. It would be a great excuse to learn Italian, but it isn't… it was by suggestion of a friend, and what a great suggestion. I know I'll only stop when I've really learned Italian, because I enjoy knowing and speaking the language.

I dare to suggest: Try it.

I haven't posted things here because the sketches of what I intended to write here... well they wore just rubbish. Anyone that read them would think: Well here's a guy that has more problems than all the Iraqi people together and well that would have been just a big lie.

Yes I have problems, insecurities and stupid thoughts… but on the overall I'm quite a positive fellow. My attitude is most of the times positive and my behaviour tends to accompany my attitude. So why all the negativity in those sketches? Well I guess I only have the need to write when I'm felling down, and in the last few weeks I've only written when I absolutely needed to.

Now that I'm in holidays (although not for long), and time is what I (should) have I've done some thinking, and instead of writing about all the negative aspects that my extremely normal life may contain and going to write about something positive.

Attention: The ones that will read this can find it of extremely bad taste.

Cation

How to deal with death? I think about death a lot. Not my own death but the death of the ones that are close to me. No one I know has ever died and I hope it stays that way for a long time. But the question remains. How will I react to the death of someone that's close to me?

I've been reading a book that tries to sum up the history of physics until now, and the author (Basarab Nicolescu) at some point says it's possible that our existence as a species is just a chain of coincidences some of them still unknown to science but none the less coincidences. If this is true then our existence begins with our birth and ends with our death, no life after death, no re-incarnation… just the end.

I don't have any formed opinion. Some say that not having an opinion, is believing in something… and in a way that's true, I believe in something… I believe that I as a human being born in the late XX century, and that my species at this time of evolution haven't got the capacity of understanding the questions that involve everything that has to do with the conscience and the soul… but I also believe that all the religions I know just present dogmas about those questions… and no real answers.