Love.

Well everything has already been written about it, and still, it feels that all is to be written.

We all have the need to be loved, we all fear ending up with the wrong person by our side, or worst, ending up lonely.

How do we know she's the right one… or the wrong one? Is there a right one?

I don't know how to explain what I think love is… I probably never felt it… I wonder if it's real, or is it as once my psychology teacher said… One day you wake up fed up of looking for the ideal, and settle with the real.

If that's the case, I'm not ready to wake up… I think I'll continue for a while looking for the ideal, with the same believe my grandfather continues betting in the lottery knowing that this week his going to win.

The hard part for me isn't being unable to find that someone as easily as in a film, but the inner question assaulting me every time I think of the subject: Is there a perfect soul-mate for everyone? Is there one for me? That's what torments me, and I really don't know if I'll ever find out the truth… let's face it, for someone that doesn't believe even in love at first site…

I have another problem (in a non negative way): I'm usually very picky. You know... when you're sixteen and it's perfection or nothing? Well I think I got stuck in that faze… In the first “defect” I encounter in someone, I lose all the interest… and all the things we read about love being about concessions and learning to tolerate so we can be also tolerated… well to be honest it sounds more as my psychology teacher preaching about accommodating than about love… maybe I've read too much idealists that in the end are nothing but dreamers… but the problem is that I find so much comfort in their ideas that I haven't got the minimum desire of contradict them with what could end up not being a wrong decision.

Lately I've been very “mediaish”…
I've wrote about films and songs lately… well I think I'll be sticking with the subject at least one more post… at least for the beginning.
India.Arie one of my favourite singers has a music that's about the little things (it's called, strangely, “Little Things”). There's a bit that goes like this:

It's the little things
And joy they bring

As simple as a phone call just to make it known
That you're gonna be a little late
Pure as a kiss on a cheek in a word
That everything will be okay

And…
Today I realized once more that indeed it is about the little things. It wasn't just something that happened but the whole day… getting up late and having to skip my daily morning routine. Being too sleepy in the morning classes because I wasn't able get enough sleep; having lunch and being hungry after it; picking up a new set of glasses that were prettier yesterday than they are today; having a good conversation with a dear friend or just something that I apprehended in the end of the day which changed completely a thought I had (although I've been preparing for this inner change in the last few days).

So it is the little things. I like my routine, I feel more comfortable when the things I was expecting to happen are the ones that actually happen, but I also need a few days when the routine is completely altered… because it's mostly in these rare occasions, in which nothing I was expecting happens, that I pay attention to other signs and things that help me to understand questions that wouldn't be answered if my day was just like all the others.

Yesterday while in a near shopping the radio started playing kiss of a rose by Seal, and I started humming it… there are songs that influence you for life and this one has touched a whole generation. So as I was looking for milk and bread I started seeing other people also mumbling the same song, and obviously, those people were my age.

I then noticed a tiny detail: Lots of them wore pushing prams with their children inside. This came as a shock to me… people with my age have children… people with my age are parents.

The only thing I can conclude with this observation is that the most important age is the mental… and it's kind of obvious that my mental age isn't that much developed but, the funny thing is: I don't care…