Vs

Well the semester is over (at least the project part of it) and against all odds I made it. I guess I knew I would make it, but at the same time some things happened that made me have my doubts. Things like, when I had no time to spare, almost no time even to sleep… I caught chickenpox… Yes a guy with 24 years caught chickenpox in the most inconvenient month of the last five years… but with the help of friends and teachers I made it and am now very close to finish my course. It’s strange though the felling that my carrier as a student might soon be over… I may find myself as a full time worker in the next 8 months!!!

I’m seriously (more than seriously) considering moving abroad, probably into the United Kingdom. The difference to Portugal is enormous, the carrier opportunities, the kind of work (yes in Portugal there’s no real R&D made, and the one that is, is poorly paid and lacks investments), and the prospect to work in a country where in most of the cases what counts is if you’re really good, instead of the cousin of the friend that knows someone that can get you in… all those and many more aspects make me want to go, but there are some setbacks also; for example, the good weather, the beach from April to October whenever you have a few free hours, and all the people I know in Portugal. It’s a very big decision and I’ll have to think about it very well.
But the prospect is only one:

- It seems 2007 will be a great year.

Marcos Valle
Chup chup

Chup chup,
wa boo day,
wa boo day,
you gonna cry cuz i got away,
got away,
wa dee bo,
chup chup wa bo day,
wa bo day,
you gonna cry cuz i got away.

Don't be a fool baby,
don't play it cool,
don't you know,
that are so many fish in the sea.

Best play with trouts,
and with class and doubt,
what a new,
likes to feel,
it's no different from me.

Saturday I find you,
so love and so on,
Sunday you were as cold,
as can be.
Thought I had yestarday,
turn it to sawimg,
or way,
play you're game,
like you feel,
then one day,
maybe you'll.

Just wait and see,
see how smarter you'll be,
when you look,
at your hock and the fish isn't me.

Chup chup,
wa boo day,
wa boo day,
you gonna cry cuz i got away,
got away,
wa dee bo,
chup chup wa bo day,
wa bo day,
you gonna cry cuz i got away.

Don't be a fool baby,
don't play it cool,
don't you know,
that are so many fish in the sea.

Best play with trouts,
and with class and doubt,
what a new,
likes to feel,
it's no different from me.

Saturday I find you,
so love and so on,
Sunday you were as cold,
as can be.
Thought I had yestarday,
turn it to sawimg,
or way,
play you're game,
like you feel,
then one day,
maybe you'll.

Just wait and see,
see how smarter you'll be,
when you look,
at your hock and the fish isn't me.

Chup chup,
wa boo day,
wa boo day,
you gonna cry cuz i got away,
got away,
wa dee bo,
chup chup wa bo day,
wa bo day,
you gonna cry cuz i got away.

I know that there are a few words wrong here.
If you know them just put a comment.
I couldn't find the lyrics on the web... so I
made a simple transcription.

btw: look at your hook all you want, you won't find me there :-p

Well the initial idea was to put here only the lyrics of the song. But then I went to YouTube to search the music… first I only wanted to hear the song, then I thought I could put here the video clip and I ended up finding this…

Watch it as many times you need… until you understand that they can't do nothing.. it's us that have the power to do something!


Humanitarian Information Centre
World food programme
OCHA

Well I have a new all time favourite book. I've been reading for the last month “The Winds of War” and yes, it has lots of things I usually don't like in a book. It's about the II World War, it doesn't give a fair image of my country and other things I really can't tell because I hope you'll read it and so I won't tell anything about the book.

All I can say is that I understand that whenever you read a good book there is always a chance it becomes your favourite book. It has to do, not only with the quality of the book, but also, with what you're felling on that moment when you read the book.

All I know is that, for me, it's the greatest book I've ever read and I can't wait to get a copy of “ War and Remembrance ” and read the second part of this great story, but I seriously doubt it can beat this first one. In this one I could identify myself with the story, the characters and their way of thinking and behaving and every time I think about this book the same question keeps popping up in my mind:

- Where is my Natalie Jastrow?

I hate being lied to. I prefer a thousand times to be told the truth as much as it hurts than to be lied so I don't get hurt.

I think everybody likes the truth better… because when someone tells you a lie, it's kind of inevitable that you, sooner or later, find out the truth, and it's also kind of inevitable that when you find out it hurts even more…

Well it seems that the Vatican felt jealous of the US and decided to put in their command a kind of clone of President Bush… Yes I know the comparison is preposterous and ridiculous but stay with me. Benedict XVI has in one year made a lot of mistakes, and the majority of them wore
In the last month or so: he forgot to name Israel when he read a list with all countries affected with terrorist attacks; he managed to say that WWII was of the responsibility of only a few criminal Nazis and last but not least he quoted someone of the XIV century that said the prophet Mohamed brought nothing to the world except evil and inhuman…

I don't believe that his goal was to offend anyone, but the reality is that he is taking very few time to shatter what the last pope has done in inter-religion communication and tolerance… sound familiar???

There's not much one can say. The truth probably will never be known, or it's already known and we just won't accept it.

9/11 was the first of a (small) series of terrorist attacks to western countries (Atocha and London wore the other two), in the last five years. I don't think you can blame any of the American administrations (actual or previous) for the attacks. Sure the two attacks in Europe would be less likely to happen in the way they did but, probably, there would be another excuse and the attack would happen anyway.

I also think that it's a stupid theory the one that claims that the two towers wore imploded (with explosives, in an arrange conspiracy of the government, so they would have the excuse to invade Afghanistan and Iraq ). I think that the only guilt that lies with the American government, and probably with all western governments, is being so dam incompetent.

1st – They allowed countries to exist under tyrant and radical regimes, just because they wore our friends instead of friends of Russia .

2nd - Previous to 9/11 there wore no exchange of intelligence between any western countries.

3rd – After things like the attacks at the WTC in 93 there was little if any changes in the way the western governments thought about Islamic countries and organizations.

4th – There are obviously lots of details about the attacks that can't be disclosed. If it is for security reasons or just for political ones we will find out when the administration changes ( the political ones will probably then be disclosed).

5th - There's no effort to stop violence in the countries where these attacks began. Even in the London attacks, they say they only did them because of what was going on in there ancestors land.

So, I think that in order to achieve peace in all world we need only three things:

1st – Resolve once and for all the problem of Israel ;

2nd - Bring up the economic level of all countries in the world. If Europe and Japan wore able to do it from almost nothing after WWII, if Latin America is doing the same and lots of African countries are also being successful in achieving the same goal, then maybe all countries with the help of the rich ones can.

3rd – Stop trying to change a country religions, traditions and believes just because it's different from ours.

That's what I think… five years latter…

Starting to be used to be invisible.

I've noticed in the past that I'm good at staying invisible, if I'm in a place with lots of people, as long as I maintain a low profile, I can be completely invisible. Take the example of the library I use to study. I've been using it to study for the last three years, although it's not my departments library it's the quietest in all university and, as me, almost all users are frequent users.

As this library I'm talking is small, it's normal for it's users to recognize each others, but strangely enough (or not) this year I had to talk with some of them. I knew who they were, but they hadn't the slightest idea of who I was.

I'm beginning to believe that this is an advantage: to have the ability to pass as an invisible person, to be unrecognizable, gives me a sensation of pleasure that I have a hard time explaining. I enjoy not being noticed, not being recognized. I love the unique felling of being alone in a room full of people… it gives me peace.

Holidays are over. Tomorrow it all starts again.

I have to admit that I was kind of bored this last days… because you can have only so much of this: beach, book, music, films, sleeping late, and all the rest… I liked this holidays but now I have to go back to my life!

I know there are people that think: uah!! I wish I could have that kind of life for the rest of my life… but I think nobody can spend much time not doing anything useful. It feels good for the first days but as the holidays come closer to the end you find yourself thinking: I'm getting bored, I'm getting curious about what's next… and for the last few days I've been like that!!!

PS: Last night the Emmys took place. Apart from all the expected awards one caught my eye. A film that I saw about a year ago and that almost passed unnoticed to almost everybody won I think two Emmys one for the best film made for TV and the other for the best actress in a film made for TV. The film I'm talking about is The Girl in the Café and I recommend the viewing of it.

This is the first tribute I'm paying to someone in this blog.

This week a important magazine published and interview with Jorge Sampaio, former President of Portugal, and may I say so, a great one to.

The ten years in witch he was president, wore the ten years when almost every Portuguese when asked who was the role model of politicians answered Jorge Sampaio. He had huge approval rates and even in though times (when he had to dissolve the parliament and ask for new elections) he overcame them with very high approval rates… even from people that supported the party that had the majority in parliament at that time.

After his presidency was over he got away from national politics (unlike other former presidents) and in the last few months has been working with the UN in order to make himself useful… he is working closely with the UN trying to fight tuberculosis. He is making all the contacts he has (that he made during his presidency) useful to push Europe forward in this fight… and he is starting to get the first results.

I would like that more politicians wore more like him: Independent, Committed and Competent.

PS: Well there it is, the book and the film list are available.

This summer I've taken a lot of time off to think. I really have thought a lot about everything… and ended up with some conclusions. There's nothing I want, that could be accomplish in the short term, that I already don't have. All my goals at this time of my life are strangely enough the long term ones… and although it sounds awful, it's not… in fact it's great, it gives me time to relax, to enjoy the ones that are near me, to think, to read, to write, to sleep, to talk… all that without having to think of what I should be doing, if I'm using my time wisely or if I'm wasting time… because my time at this point in my life is only to myself…without pressure, without stress… I guess that is what holidays are all about, and if they are: well then this is the first time I can remember I have such a great time in my holidays.

I've been completely disconnected with the world… at least with the world I'm usually involved. My cell is taking it's own vacations and my inbox is probably full by now… I'm finding out I enjoy being alone, silence and calm are the two main adjectives of my last fifteen days. Don't get me wrong I'm not, nor I'm I trying to become, a hermit. I could never be like this for a long time… but it feels good, especially after a stressful semester like the last one, to have some of the famous alone time.

PS1: About the four things I promised for the blog the first two are kind of not happening… I haven't have the money right now for the domain and the place where the blog is hosted isn't able to cope with comments (at least I think it isn't). The two lists are coming along fine. The film list is going to be just a link to IMDB and the book list will be available in the next week or so.

PS2: Well it looks that she thought it through and decided that someone with such a talent must indeed continue to write… good for us, alex is back.

As the final countdown for the last exam of the semester begins, I realize that what I wrote in the begging of the semester was in fact true. I never had a semester where I enjoyed so much the projects and where I approached the examination season with no stress and at the same time (and it really feels funny admitting it) with so much responsibility.

I enrolled myself in the beginning of the semester in more courses than I should have… but surprisingly I already know all my marks (except of tomorrow's exam) and their great… I've never done so much courses in one semester… and the average mark is higher than my general mark… so I must be happy for my academic progress… I really didn't though it would be so easy… all I changed was the way I faced school… until the beginning of this semester I faced it as almost an obligation… Now I face it as a challenge and a easy way of learning new things… I guess that's a healthier way of seeing the whole picture… and at the same time a much easier way of getting higher marks

I don't have a driving licence. Whenever someone finds out that I don't have the driving licence I hear: You don't have it? But why? Have you failed the test? And every time my answer is always the same… I don't need it… and the probability that I wouldn't use it if I had it is very high… because (and this might sound pretentious… but it's just the reality) I enjoy using the public transportation system… as it allows me to read on my way to school or on my way back home.

I have friends that say that they don't use the public transportation system because it's bad and it's very slow. I agree… but there are times that I wish it was even slower… so I could read more, and the only things I think they have to improve are: Coordination and Comfort and those things will only improve once the using rate increases... The rest is good… unless we are all waiting to have an underground station on our backdoor…

Today I heard a new one… what if you have an emergency? I'm only able to understand that question if I'm living in some third world country… Portugal , fortunately has a good emergency system and I can call for an ambulance… Even if I had a driving licence…I would still dial 112 and ask for an ambulance…

Summing all up I conclude that my personality must be very strange… but each time I find something where I disagree with the rest of the society I tend to maintain my point of view (although I respect others points of view).

Well, Alex the girl, the blog that gave me the final push to start my own blog has ended… It's the only blog that I've read continuously throughout the last few years, it's the only one that has always left me with the felling of wanting more. So one has to accept that a marvellous writer with such an ability to make the reader feel so inside her thoughts, inside her ideas has lost the interest to write in the web… I accept that, but I predict I'll be doing two things for a long time… I'll be searching her name in Amazon.com so that if she publishes something I'll be able to read it, and the other is I'll continue to visit her website in order to check whether she has thought it through and decided that someone with such a talent must indeed continue to write.

I know lots of people that went there, read what she wrote and said: It good… but not great and in terms of literature I have to agree… she's still a bit far from great writers, but what she has is the enormous capacity of express so easily herself and also the enormous ability of evolving and learning… just read the first entries of her blog and then read the last ones… read her “goodbye” and tell me that she has not evolved.

And just another tiny detail… a blog isn't a book, and her blog is great… I'm still waiting for the book :p

PS: Haven't write much I know… and it will continue that way until July because of the exams. After them I'll add four new things to the blog: comments; own domain; my films list and my books list.

It's a promise!!!

Today I bought my first grammar since the age of eleven… it isn't a Portuguese grammar, nor an English grammar, but an Italian grammar. I've been learning Italian in the last few months and it has been great. It's completely different of French that I tried (again) to learn in the last year, but I probably lack the capacity to learn French and so I didn't learn almost anything.

But Italian has another spirit, has another personality. Every time you say a word, every time you hear a word, you instantly get transported to that Italian environment that you can see in those Italian old films.

It's a language full of history, let's face it, Italy has had one of the most preponderant roles in the history of Europe .

Ok. It would be a great excuse to learn Italian, but it isn't… it was by suggestion of a friend, and what a great suggestion. I know I'll only stop when I've really learned Italian, because I enjoy knowing and speaking the language.

I dare to suggest: Try it.

I haven't posted things here because the sketches of what I intended to write here... well they wore just rubbish. Anyone that read them would think: Well here's a guy that has more problems than all the Iraqi people together and well that would have been just a big lie.

Yes I have problems, insecurities and stupid thoughts… but on the overall I'm quite a positive fellow. My attitude is most of the times positive and my behaviour tends to accompany my attitude. So why all the negativity in those sketches? Well I guess I only have the need to write when I'm felling down, and in the last few weeks I've only written when I absolutely needed to.

Now that I'm in holidays (although not for long), and time is what I (should) have I've done some thinking, and instead of writing about all the negative aspects that my extremely normal life may contain and going to write about something positive.

Attention: The ones that will read this can find it of extremely bad taste.

Cation

How to deal with death? I think about death a lot. Not my own death but the death of the ones that are close to me. No one I know has ever died and I hope it stays that way for a long time. But the question remains. How will I react to the death of someone that's close to me?

I've been reading a book that tries to sum up the history of physics until now, and the author (Basarab Nicolescu) at some point says it's possible that our existence as a species is just a chain of coincidences some of them still unknown to science but none the less coincidences. If this is true then our existence begins with our birth and ends with our death, no life after death, no re-incarnation… just the end.

I don't have any formed opinion. Some say that not having an opinion, is believing in something… and in a way that's true, I believe in something… I believe that I as a human being born in the late XX century, and that my species at this time of evolution haven't got the capacity of understanding the questions that involve everything that has to do with the conscience and the soul… but I also believe that all the religions I know just present dogmas about those questions… and no real answers.

Love.

Well everything has already been written about it, and still, it feels that all is to be written.

We all have the need to be loved, we all fear ending up with the wrong person by our side, or worst, ending up lonely.

How do we know she's the right one… or the wrong one? Is there a right one?

I don't know how to explain what I think love is… I probably never felt it… I wonder if it's real, or is it as once my psychology teacher said… One day you wake up fed up of looking for the ideal, and settle with the real.

If that's the case, I'm not ready to wake up… I think I'll continue for a while looking for the ideal, with the same believe my grandfather continues betting in the lottery knowing that this week his going to win.

The hard part for me isn't being unable to find that someone as easily as in a film, but the inner question assaulting me every time I think of the subject: Is there a perfect soul-mate for everyone? Is there one for me? That's what torments me, and I really don't know if I'll ever find out the truth… let's face it, for someone that doesn't believe even in love at first site…

I have another problem (in a non negative way): I'm usually very picky. You know... when you're sixteen and it's perfection or nothing? Well I think I got stuck in that faze… In the first “defect” I encounter in someone, I lose all the interest… and all the things we read about love being about concessions and learning to tolerate so we can be also tolerated… well to be honest it sounds more as my psychology teacher preaching about accommodating than about love… maybe I've read too much idealists that in the end are nothing but dreamers… but the problem is that I find so much comfort in their ideas that I haven't got the minimum desire of contradict them with what could end up not being a wrong decision.

Lately I've been very “mediaish”…
I've wrote about films and songs lately… well I think I'll be sticking with the subject at least one more post… at least for the beginning.
India.Arie one of my favourite singers has a music that's about the little things (it's called, strangely, “Little Things”). There's a bit that goes like this:

It's the little things
And joy they bring

As simple as a phone call just to make it known
That you're gonna be a little late
Pure as a kiss on a cheek in a word
That everything will be okay

And…
Today I realized once more that indeed it is about the little things. It wasn't just something that happened but the whole day… getting up late and having to skip my daily morning routine. Being too sleepy in the morning classes because I wasn't able get enough sleep; having lunch and being hungry after it; picking up a new set of glasses that were prettier yesterday than they are today; having a good conversation with a dear friend or just something that I apprehended in the end of the day which changed completely a thought I had (although I've been preparing for this inner change in the last few days).

So it is the little things. I like my routine, I feel more comfortable when the things I was expecting to happen are the ones that actually happen, but I also need a few days when the routine is completely altered… because it's mostly in these rare occasions, in which nothing I was expecting happens, that I pay attention to other signs and things that help me to understand questions that wouldn't be answered if my day was just like all the others.

Yesterday while in a near shopping the radio started playing kiss of a rose by Seal, and I started humming it… there are songs that influence you for life and this one has touched a whole generation. So as I was looking for milk and bread I started seeing other people also mumbling the same song, and obviously, those people were my age.

I then noticed a tiny detail: Lots of them wore pushing prams with their children inside. This came as a shock to me… people with my age have children… people with my age are parents.

The only thing I can conclude with this observation is that the most important age is the mental… and it's kind of obvious that my mental age isn't that much developed but, the funny thing is: I don't care…

Well, I guess I'm not able to make up my mind… Just a few days ago I wrote about loving a happy ending and now without understanding why I find myself loving a film called Closer that has everything but a happy ending. I'm speechless, the acting is excellent, but the most brilliant thing is the story… it's going to make me think a lot in the next few days. I think I've just found a contender to my favourite film: Peter Pan.

Classes will begin next Monday (Tomorrow?) and I'm guessing that this semester will be different of all semesters I've lived so far. It will be the first time I'll be going to classes understanding them just as a mean, instead of the end I used to see in them. I have a very hard time finding the right words to explain this feeling, but for the first time I'm not anxious to start classes, or anxious to end them, the only anxiety I have is when I start thinking of what I'll be able to achieve when I graduate…

I'm a sucker for happy endings, I guess that would explain Peter Pan as my favourite film.

I like watching a good film, I like to pay attention to things like photography and special effects, and I love when the interpretation is so good that I forget about reality and for a hour or two live the story of the film. But when the film hasn't got what you would call a happy ending I feel frustrated, on the other hand, I can tolerate bad technical elements as long as the ending is happy… because I end up forgetting all the negative elements and finish the viewing with a big smile and a warmer heart.

I guess we are all suckers for happy endings and wouldn't it be great if we could all have one for us…



:-) except the bad guys, they will all be arrested in the end :-)

One day I would like to be able to write a text about nothing (Yes, Seinfeld fan here). I read texts extremely good that aren't about anything exquisite, they're just about ordinary things. I can't even understand how I am supposed to write a text about the underground trip I made yesterday on my way home, or about the reasons that made me skip lunch today. I just say the information, in one (short) sentence, and then I'm unable to write anything else.

The only things I'm able to write about are my feelings (yeah, I know that after a while it gets boring and repetitive) and my opinions (that I must admit sometimes aren't very coherent). I guess I should at least try to improve the way I expose (or explain) my ideas, but not even that I seem able to do. But I'm a fighter, and I'll continue to battle until one day I'll write a text that I like… until then all the people that read this blog will have to subject themselves to all the crap I'll continue to write (or stop reading it).

The Islamic cartoons. Well I only understood the problem a few days ago. I thought it was inconceivable what was happening (I still do). I mean to destroy something just because of some drawings? To ask, for the execution of a cartoonist just because he has bad taste? To burn a flag just because that country has a newspaper that published something that insults us?

But then, I understood. If I, that have access to various types of information, news channels of all over the world, internet that as no restrictions, find myself not being able to see them… how could someone that has no access to information know what the hell the cartoons mean, all they know is that the people that they trust most (their religious leaders) said they needed to fight them with all their strength.

Islam will be a huge problem to all western countries, because we don't understand how can a population agree on electing a radical lieder. We don't understand why they think they need to attack us… and probably they don't understand it to.

The big problem is that things the west considers acceptable and catalogues as freedom, the Islamic world sees as an insult and does not tolerate them. I think that probably the only way to solve this issue is for both parts to give up some of their thoughts and find a compromise.

We in the west have to restrict a little our freedom when it comes to questions that have to do with Islam, and they will have to have a more tolerant vision of the west. Only with this accomplished can we all live in community.

Feeling blue. In Portugal there's a word that everybody thinks has no translation to other languages. The word is saudade and it basically means to miss something or someone … of course it doesn't mean only that, but the general idea is there.

For me there is a word that's much more difficult to translate to Portuguese. Blue. I'm often with the blues… or at least it's the nearest expression that I know to explain what I feel. I really have a hard time expressing what I feel to others and that's due (along with other things) to the lack of words / expressions that symbolise what I feel.

I wish it existed at least a general translation… but it looks that a felling that is so easy to understand… is extremely difficult to translate, so I'll continue to feel with the blues… even in Portuguese.

Yesterday snowed in Lisbon . Well it snowed in Portugal … in the entire country. Some Siberian cold front and lots of satellite photos after I still haven't got the slightest idea of what caused it. But the truth is that in a country that isn't used to snow, it become the biggest event in the weekend. Everybody wanted to see and touch snow. Grownups acting like children and children just playing their roles. I guess snow has that power.

Although I didn't thought the extreme cold temperatures wore great… I had to fell what I think everyone felt, a little bit of pride to have snow in our back yards.

After all the excitement (and after the snow melt down), I think we wore left with a new subject to reflect on. Two major highways wore closed for most of the day, homeless had nowhere to go, no one knew what to do if the temperatures staid negative during a couple of days and we all ended up with the idea that Portugal isn't ready for any kind of climate anomaly… I believe that with the global warming and the lack of real steps to minimize it, we should start to get ready for all this anomalies.

I'm thinking too much, and that can't be a good thing. I'm trying to rationalize everything I feel, think or experience. And that is a bad thing. We can't rationalize everything that happens in our lives. It's anti-natural.

The big problem for me is that the more I try to find rational explanations for things that haven't any explanation at all, the more miserable I feel (don't get me wrong… I'm not a depressive guy) and the less I understand the things I was thinking about. The majority of what happens to me is quite simple and has no need of deep thinking to be understood… I just don't seem capable of explaining that to my subconscious. So I'll continue to try and understand everything that I feel, try to find second meanings in everything that's said to me and try to guess different meanings in the simple thoughts I have. I guess (as I once read) I'm only human.

My biggest problem is motivation. I have lots of ideas to make my life an extraordinary event. But I lack the motivation to make them come true. I give up very easily, I put the reach point to low.

Although I think the world has to provide me with everything (I explained it in the last post), when it's up to me, then I don't expect anything. Is a duality of criteria that drives me crazy! I guess everybody has a little inner voice telling you, don't try… that's the only way you won't miss. And I also feel that what distinguishes us is the way we overcome that voice.

I'm afraid I'll never be someone that overcomes that felling easily… I guess I have to find the balance that will allow me to live in a more happy way, I'll have to take some of the energy I spend wishing for things, and put it in actually making something that could lead me forward those goals, instead of just waiting for them to turn into reality.

But I'm a realist and know that if the time for me to do that will ever come, it won't be today.

My goals in life are usually impossible ones. And when I realise that they aren't achievable I get sad and depressed. I often believe that, things that aren't in my range can be achieved, and I spend lots of time and energy trying to achieve them. Of course I end up without achieving those things and with a great felling of incapacity, for not being able to achieve them.

So, and for the first time in many years, I'll make a new year resolution (of course it's a little late, but better late then never): I'll start setting my goals in more down to earth objectives, and I'll applying this to all things in life.

I once read that if you always tried to the impossible, then you would get at least some part of what you wished for. But I now disagree entirely with that stupid proposition. I've been trying the impossible and all I keep getting is disappointment and the felling of incapacity. I had enough of that already.

So I'll stop wishing the impossible… and the most that can happen is that I still won't achieve my goals… but at least I'll have a higher probability of achieving them.

Sometimes we think we're living in one reality, when in fact we're living in a completely different reality. You interpret things that simply don't exist, you misinterpret things that exist, and you end up living in a parallel reality that, although it seems fabulous, it's nothing except pure imagination. I think that I'm living in that parallel existence.

The big problem of living in such a reality is that you're always expecting something to happen that will prove you right, that will prove you're not in a parallel existence and everything that you've been living / felling is true and exists.

Even now, while writing this text, I'm still hopping that something (I really don't know what) will happen that proves me right, or (and this is kind of sad) I'm already glad if nothing that could deny my reality happens.

Unfortunately, this universe I'm living in makes me so happy, fills me with so much joy, that I really don't want to find out if it is the truth or not… I'm just living the moment and even if the moment is just happening to me… I don't care, because I haven't been this happy for a long time.

Most hated thing: Hypocrisy
Problem: Am I hypocrite when I say that?

Instead of twelve wishes, this year I made only one. That all the months in 2006 can be at least as good as the last two of 2005.