Just to calm everyone that came to me in the last week or so because they read my blog and apparently I wasn't able to express myself properly:
I'm not thinking about suicide.. I like to live. Yes, I'm sad and maybe even depressed... but I do not want to die. I want my life to get better not to end...
In fact I think the majority of people I know want the same: For their lives to get better.
So thank you all, it's great to know that so many people care for me and don't worry you'll have to put up with me for lots and lots of years (unless the killer asteroid changes its trajectory again... but then I'll probably won't be your biggest worry...)
