Peace?

I’m starting to believe I wasn’t made to smile.

I can’t see a single reason I should. I feel lost everything in my world feels wrong... I can almost swear I forgot to breathe yesterday.
I just feel like there’s no goal worth pursuing, there is nothing that can happen in my life that can improve it... just lots of things waiting to happen that will make it worst, more painful, more troubling.

I ‘m able to feel my hearth beet when I’m anxious... and I’ve been able to ear it a lot in the past month...
I’m starting to hate each and every single beet it makes... If only it would stop... No more uncertainty, no more sadness, no more frustration, no more nothing... except maybe peace.

I miss you more than words can ever say!

Life

Routine brings me down.
My life is so predictable, nothing exciting is predicted in the next three weeks... nothing unpredictable will happen in the near future. That is really sad. In the next three weeks I won't have any goals worth accomplishing, there is no motivation really to get out of bed.

I feel lost!!!

Waking up and realizing that the most vibrant moment of the day will be those 40 minutes on the treadmill at the gym... to see if I can beat the time of the day before..

Knowing everyday that I could be much better on my job (not that I'm bad... but I could be really really good)... but there is no motivation whatsoever to accomplish that... none at all (my last two auto-evaluations haven't even been read by anyone)!

I feel sad...

A friend tells me that I'm depressed. I'm tented to agree... but the reality is that I wonder why isn't the entire world felling like me... I'm unable to see any reason to smile tomorrow morning when I wake up.

I miss you... too much to smile.