I haven’t written in a while here and the excuse I’ve been giving myself is my lack of time. The problem is I’ve been on vacation since the middle of February so my excuse is at least ridiculous. Then I came out with another excuse, this time much plausible, the excuse was that every time I had an idea to write something here, that text would probably hurt someone I know.
The reality is that that excuse has a point. I’ve been putting the blame of all the bad things that have been happening to me on others. In fact I’ve even been blaming others for things that didn’t happen and could only have happened if I was more objective and less undecided.
But as I’ve focused once in this blog I tend to write here only when I’m felling down, when something not so good happens to me or when I realise that I should made a different decision. So while thinking about it I thought: Today I’m not felling down, in fact what I’m feeling is quite the opposite, and I decided: I’m going to write more in the blog. I have a million ideas to put here, but lately I just formulate the text on my mind and when it’s completed I just erase it from my mind.
When I started this blog a few years ago I had two objectives:
- Practise my English;
- Write a little about what I though
It seems that in the last few (or not so few) months I’ve accomplished neither. I’ll try to change it!

Sometimes all it takes is a click, something to make you change your point of view, the same point of view that you’ve hold on to since forever.
That is what I believe has happened to me today. I had this pre-formulated thought in my mind for the last six months, and then, suddenly, out of nowhere, this thought just popped into my mind:
What if she thinks the same things of me that I do of her?
What if this is just a big misunderstanding between two people?
This raises two other questions in my mind, the first one is the obvious and direct one (If this new assumption is correct, what should be the next step?) the second one is more devious; Why do I still think the world turns around me, why do I have to think that every single action of everyone I know was taken/made/thought because I exist? It’s a serious problem of egocentrism and I really have absolutely no clue of how to end it… but I do however know how to minimize it (by simply ignoring my rushed, out of context and sometimes bias, deductions) and that is exactly what I intend to do.
So for now on I’ll try to ignore my assumptions of what I think made others take everyday, normal decisions… I’m just guessing that either it’s an impossible task or it will make my life easier.

Well, for the second year in a row it snowed where I live. If you ignore the last two years, the last time it snowed in Lisbon was more than fifty years ago.
So, as it is easy to understand, Kyoto was a joke, the goals of the European Union concerning emissions of CO2 for 2010 are also a joke…and what the US, China and India are doing can be considered a world scale crime.
The truth is that no one thought it would come so soon, that the climate changes would occur so rapidly. But the truth is it’s snowing… and it’s not normal.
Yeah… I know… what can we do? The fault is of the big factories… I can’t stop using my car to go to work… there is no public transportation system or if there is, it doesn’t work correctly. True, but if everybody started to use it. Well they would have to change it. Yes I know that’s not the way to go, it should be the other way around, and I guess snow isn’t that bad.

How is it possible for this to be happening? I'm becoming increasingly close to the end of my degree and I still have no idea of what I want to become.
I’m sure about the general area, but when it comes down to saying what I want to do… well at that point I have the certainty of a five year old that wants to be a teacher when he grows up.
I’ve seen lots and lots of propositions for jobs, and all I know is that I don’t want those ones. It should be easy… I like computer and internet security and there are more job offers in that field in my country than there are applications. But now that I have to sit down and try to figure out exactly what’s my desire… well now I’m not so sure.
In the end, I guess nobody is, and that I’m pretty lucky to have figured out what area I like.

I'm becoming tired of this commercial world we live in. Everywhere you look there is always something or someone reminding you that you don’t have some trendy cool gadget or that you don’t have the perfect body or even the perfect girlfriend or family. I guess I’m what they call an outplot, I like great cars, I adore beautiful girls but I don’t fell miserable just because I don’t have the latest Porsche or because the most beautiful girl in the room simply ignores my existence.
And the worst thing you can do to all those companies that want to sell “perfectness” and try to pass there image as the perfect one, is ignore them. Yes I see all those skinny girls and muscled guys and just ignore them… I don’t know if I would be more or less happy than I’m today if I belonged to that group of people, but I know one thing; I’m happy with who I am, and with the things I’ve accomplished in the last few years. Maybe there are people that see a guy like me and think; there’s a guy who lacks ambition… but they’re wrong… I have ambition, the only problem is that my ambition doesn’t involve a Porsche or being known by everybody.
I have my goals and yes they involve some money, the freedom to be able to wakeup in a Friday and decide I want to go and spend the weekend in Rome… but in our days that simply doesn’t require a lot of money.
My dreams tend to have less and less material goods and the only material thing I see myself spending money in, is my dream house near a beach. Living in Portugal that has hundreds and hundreds of kilometres of coast I don’t think I’m dreaming something impossible.